Stray Nipple Hair

14 Jun

This is, without a doubt, the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Let me set the scene; it was a glorious Sunday afternoon, the sun was shining and I was sat in the pub with a large group of friends. Also with us, were a few people I hadn’t met before, but were ‘friends of friends’, so, being the gentleman I am, I was chatting to them and trying not to make myself look a twat.

It was soon my turn to get a round of drinks in. I took everyone’s order and made my way to the bar, asking Sue, one of the girls I’d only just met, to give me a hand with them. At the bar, we had a bit of awkward, forced conversation whilst waiting for the drinks. It was then that it happened. The most God awful thing that will happen to me for a long, long while.

As we stood making small talk, I noticed that she had a solitary stray dark hair on her top. She was wearing a white blouse, so it stood out really clearly. The hair was only a couple of centimeters long and positioned near her right breast. As soon as the words, “Oh, you’ve got a hair on you”, came out of my mouth, I knew I was making a mistake, for my hand raised upwards towards the hair in a bid to remove it.

This itself was bad, because as already mentioned, it was on her tit. However, it was too late to stop myself. My finger and thumb grabbed at the end of the hair like one of those mechanical claws at a funfair, that people waste money on trying to win a teddy bear. Unlike the mechanical claw though, I made a good connection, and in one swift motion, pulled the hair up and away from her top.

What I was expecting to happen was that the hair would come free, I’d rub my hands together to deposit it on the ground, she’d thank me, and we’d return to our friends with the drinks.

Only it didn’t.

As I pulled the hair away, Sue’s whole boob lunged forward towards me;  as if it were trying to break free. I pulled once more, a little harder, and again a her boob came at me, this time with more purpose. Taken aback, I stopped pulling, BUT MAINTAINED CONTACT with the hair, still holding it in between my finger and thumb.

It took a while for my brain to compute what was happening, and slowly the realisation dawned on me that, yes, the hair was actually attached to her boob (at a guess I’d say on her areola, but I cannot confirm this) and was in fact poking through her blouse. I looked up and made eye contact with Sue, slowly releasing my grip on her stray nipple hair. She was crimson red, mouth agape, staring back at me like I was Hitler, Stalin and Mugabe all rolled into one person.

I turned and walked out of the pub.

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7 Responses to “Stray Nipple Hair”

  1. Grethe Koen June 15, 2012 at 8:18 am #

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA sweet balls I cringed just reading this!!!

  2. Floydsdad June 15, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Absolutely brilliant tale ! I was all set to
    Turn my back on the world of blogging, having hit a brick wall in terms of what to write ! But this has spurred me on! Feel free to have a look at Floydsdad.info , I would love any pointers as to how I could make it a good as this !
    Top effort .. (first new follow in twitter in ages!)

  3. Paul June 15, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    That’s funny dude.

  4. beckysaysthings July 11, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    That. Is. Amazing. I am so jealous I don’t have that anecdote for myself. I might find a girl with stray nipple hair and give it a tug, just so I can tell the story. Bloody funny.

  5. Cath July 12, 2012 at 9:08 am #

    This has made me weep with larfter. I’ve put a few such horrors on my blog at http://www.thekrakenwakes.blogspot.com but this is a bloody gem.

  6. Amy August 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    I can’t. I just. I can’t even. Oh, God. This is. I just can’t. I AM AGOG.

  7. joffeyblog August 11, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    Reblogged this on Joffey's Blog and commented:
    One of the funniest things I’ve read in ages!

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