Tag Archives: twins

Fun House

20 Jul

I have heard a few dodgy rumours about the popular children’s television program Fun House, which revolve a lot around the mullet happy host Pat Sharp. I believe the following was happening on the show:

– The ‘Twins’ were in fact Pat’s daughters. That’s right; those two little blonde haired minxes were the offspring of Pat Sharp. He had in written into his contract that the Twins must always be on the show, as their good looks helped attract a larger audience, and, more importantly, a constant stream of contestants.

– The contestants would never actually leave the Fun House after the show had been filmed. Instead, they would be coaxed by the Twins into a basement underneath the apparatus of the final round, with party rings, ice cream and jam sandwiches. Once there, they would be subjected to a variety of tests carried out by the government, because Pat Sharp was in fact working for them. They used Pat’s friendly and sometimes wacky nature to its full extent.

– These tests included seeing how the children responded to violent films and computer games. They were also used to test make-up products and the Twins would apply heavy lipstick and mascara to the children to see if the products were safe for human use. The children were told that this was still part of the Fun house and that by completing the tasks, they could win their family a luxury holiday. They were made to pen letters to home stating that they had gone on the run and for the family not to look for them. Pat Sharp would stand over the children with a large baton in his hand whilst they did this.

– The tokens collected on the go-kart round were heavily coated in a sedative. As the young contestants inhaled the fumes from the tokens, they would grow weary and thus, would be easier to manipulate.

– Pat’s famous mullet concealed a secret flap on the top of his forehead, in which he kept a gun, secret government files and a bag of liquorice allsorts. If the twins ever stepped out of line, he would give them a sweet to make them behave. He had brainwashed them so that they believed what they were doing to the children was right. Sometimes, he would rent the Twins out as entertainers at childrens’ parties, but this was just so that the government could gain inside knowledge of more children.

– Before the show started, the theme song was played to the contestants over and over again. On the line ‘it’s a real crazy show, where anything can go’ – the volume was put right up so that the children started to believe anything could happen on Fun House. Also, when in the secret basement, Pat would gently whisper ‘Use your body and you brain if you wanna play the game’ repeatedly to the Twins, whilst running his fingers though his mullet. This was just for his own amusement.

So, there you have it. Fun House was in fact a government trap which was used to gain extra information about how the children of the country responded to various things

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