Tag Archives: quiz show

Take Me Out

7 Jul

For a laugh, I sent an email to ITV smash hit, Take Me Out, in an attempt to see what sort of idiots they look to accept on the program. I started with the following two emails:

 

From: admin@deathonthestairs.co.uk
To: takemeout@talkbackthames.tv
Subject: Application Form for the next series
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2011 10:24:02

 

Good Morning,
 
I’d love, and I mean LOVE, the opportunity to find true love on the next series of Take Me Out. I’m a 26 year old man, and haven’t had the best of luck with the ladies. If I could sum myself up in 4 phrases, I’d say I was good looking, witty and an excellent mathematician. Despite these qualities, I just don’t get the chance to meet nice women. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places? I just don’t know, but i’m sure you could hook me up with one of the 30 beautiful (ok, maybe 20) women on the show?
 
Please can you send me an application form so I can have a chance to appear on the show? If the worst happened and all the lights went off, at least I’d get a bit of man love from Paddy – what a guy!
 
I look forward to hearing from you.
Let the applicant, see the form.
 
Kind Regards,
===============================================================

From: admin@deathonthestairs.co.uk
To: takemeout@talkbackthames.tv
Subject: Application Form for the next series
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2011 11:44:32

 Hello again,
 

I’ve just re-read my below email and realise that it may come across as quite sarcastic, rather than the eye-catching introduction I was hoping for. In any case, please can you send me an application form for the show so I can at least apply formally?
 
Many thanks in advance,
================================================================

 It wasn’t long before I received and application form back in reply. I filled it out as follows:

 

FULL NAME: (as on passport)
XXXX XXXXXXX 
FIRST NAME THAT YOU PREFER TO BE CALLED: AGE:
XXXXX  27
HOME ADDRESS:
XXXX XXXXXXX  
YOUR CONTACT NUMBERS
OFFICE: XXXXXXXHOME: As aboveMOBILE: As above
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:admin@deathonthestairs.co.uk 
 
CITY OR TOWN ORIGINALLY FROM:
Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire 
ARE YOU:   SINGLE / MARRIED / SEPARATED / DIVORCED
Single 
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED OR ENGAGED?  IF YES – HOW MANY TIMES?
No 
WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?
My cat Yeti and a life size cardboard cut out of Kylie Minogue 
HOW TALL ARE YOU? (in Feet and Inches)
5 feet 8.5 inches (the half is oh so important!) 
CURRENT OCCUPATION:
Pirate 
PREVIOUS JOBS:
Paper BoyBuilder / PlastererPersonal Assistant
Fluffer
Purchasing Executive  for a computer software company
Burlesque Dancer 
DO YOU HAVE ANY QUALIFICATIONS?
A manual handling certificate from my last employers – I know how to lift boxes!
ARE THERE ANY DATES BETWEEN NOW AND NOVEMBER 2011 THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR AUDITIONS OR RECORDINGS?
Nope, I’m free whenever! “I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeee” 
DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONDITIONS OR DISABILITIES WHICH WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF AND/OR ANY SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS – IF YOU ARE REQUIRED TO ATTEND AN AUDITION?
I have protruding ribs which means i can’t wear silly costumes 
HAVE YOU EVER APPEARED ON A TV SHOW? (Please give dates & details)
No – but, once i caught my reflection on the TV screen and thought I was! 

WE ARE HOPING TO HOLD AUDITIONS IN (OR NEAR) SOME OF THE FOLLOWING CITIES:

 

♥  MANCHESTER  ♥  LIVERPOOL ♥BIRMINGHAM  ♥  NOTTINGHAM  ♥ CARDIFF  ♥ BRISTOL  ♥

♥LONDON  ♥ BELFAST  ♥  LEEDS  ♥  NEWCASTLE  ♥ GLASGOW♥EDINBURGH♥

 

IF  OFFERED  AN AUDITION – PLEASE INDICATE BELOW YOUR 1ST & 2ND MOST CONVENIENT CITIES:

  1.        London 2.        Birmingham

Not everyone who applies for this show can be offered an audition. Auditioning does not guarantee a place on the show.

HOBBIES & INTERESTS?  (Please include sports, clubs, musical instruments you can play etc)
Dancing like a fool to the music on adverts, winding up cold callers, bumping into people who wear camouflage clothing and declaring ‘sorry, didn’t see you there’,  going to gigs, sumo wrestling, I play the guitar, socialising, doodling, laughing, sleeping, creative writing, tantric yoga, gardening, eating, watching and playing football and women’s volleyball (watching only!), hi-fiving random people when food shopping, running, reading teletext, people watching, sarcasm, stalking people and last but not least, yodelling. 
DO YOU HAVE ANY NICKNAMES? (If YES – please explain them)
Sandpaper – cos i shave my scrotum, and it has that texture 
HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DESCRIBE YOU?
A good laugh bordering on wind-up merchant, trustworthy, a bad dancer,modest,  kind, generous and creative. That’s if you got them on a good day! Otherwise, they might just say, “Oh, yeah, he’s alright. Bit of a knob, but we tolerate him”. 
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?  (Can you sing, dance, juggle, etc – special party piece)
I can play guitar. I can do a weird clappy thing that makes a wonderful echoey noise and I can make tunes with it. I can do a few card tricks. I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. I can make my eyes blink really quickly!I can fit most of a large cucumber in my mouth.All my toes are the same length.
I can do good accents! Welsh a particular favourite.  
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
Touching Linda Lovegrove’s breasts in year 9 
DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL OR IRRITATING HABITS?
I like to fiddle with things, often to the point where I break them.
I drum my fingers against a lot of things.
I drink milk from the carton.
I squeeze spots. Not just my own.
I Photoshop my friends to make them look a bit fatter before I tag them in photos on Facebook.
I sing really loudly in the car.
I am indecisive. Actually no I’m not. Yes, yes I am 
WHAT QUALITIES WOULD YOUR IDEAL WOMAN HAVE? (looks, features, personality)
Looks wise, ideally she’d have a pretty face and a body, and that would suffice. 
HOW LONG WAS YOUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
3 and a half years 
ARE ANY OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS SINGLE?SISTER / BROTHER / MUM / DAD / DAUGHTER / SON (Give details below of anyone aged 18+):
No, i’m the only one left! 
HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT APPLYING FOR THIS SHOW? (Please be specific, eg if it was a website please say which one or if it was an email please say who from)
I just went on the ITV website and sent a hopeful email through, then received this application form back! 
PLEASE GIVE US THE CONTACT PHONE NUMBERS OF TWO GOOD FRIENDS OR RELATIVES THAT WE COULD CONTACT IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES: (please state relationship)
XXXXXXXX
PLEASE  POST  FORM WITH PHOTO TO:                               

TAKE ME OUT, TALKBACKTHAMES TELEVISION, 1 STEPHEN STREET, LONDON W1T 1AL

 

OR EMAIL  WITH PHOTO TO:  takemeoutboys@talkbackthames.tv

APPLICATIONS WITHOUT PHOTOS WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED!

 Will you allow us to hold this info on our talkbackThames TV contestant database? 

 

YES

 May we pass this information on to our other quiz show programmes?

 

YES 

     

 So I emailed the above back.

 Today, I received a phone call. They want me on the show. This is 100% true!

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