Tag Archives: naughty

XXXMas

6 Dec

Women; are you struggling to think of a present to buy your man this year?  I might just be able to help you as I’ve come up with 10 ways to please your lover over the festive period.

1) Chocolate Starfish: The star on top of your tree doesn’t have to be just for decoration. Use your imagination; this five pointed anal probe will have your man’s toes curling all the way into the New Year.

2) Away in a minge: ‘No crib for a bed’? Well he has now! Simply let him inside you, for the whole night! He won’t want to sleep anywhere else once he’s comfy in your mutton pocket of love. Try not to roll over in the night, and keep refreshments close to hand.

3) Christmas Cracker: Hide small gifts and treats in and around your body for your partner to find as he explores you. Leave the jokes and party hats to one side on this one. Go one step further and treat his gutstick like a cracker; pull it until it explodes.

4) The Turkey Dinner: Turn over, bend your elbows upwards, and let your man give you all the stuffing you’ll both need this Christmas.

5) The Mummy: You may need a friend to help you with this one. Wrap yourself up, head-to-toe, in wrapping paper. Once the paper has been ripped off, your partner is greeted with a naked treat.

6) White Christmas: If you feel brave enough, invite a few of his mates round for a bukkake session.

7) The Mistletoe: Give your partner a sensual foot job. Use you toes to stimulate his prostate.

8) Tinsel Tease: Tie your man up to the bed with tinsel, then slowly tickle his body with it. He’ll beg you to let him enter you. See how long you can go on for. For added Christmas naughtiness, encourage your man to shout, “I am Santa and I’m emptying my sack” once you finally give in and let him roger you senseless

9) Naughty Fairy: Dress like a fairy and piss all over his chest. Guaranteed to make him rock hard! Feeling adventurous? Try doing this with a broom handle up your arse.

10) Frosty the Snowman: Try trailing ice cubes over each others bodies, then warm each other up anyway you want. He’ll love those rock hard ‘midget gem’ like nipples.

American Football in Camden

10 Nov

For my brothers recent birthday, 8 of us decided to go on an all day drinking session in dirty but vibrant London town, Camden. The day itself was good fun; the shitty weather dampened our clothes but not our spirits and we enjoyed drinks in a number of pubs and bars throughout the day.

As the evening drew near, with all of us suitably inebriated, we decided that we should head back and carry on drinking closer to home. We made our way to the tube station, swaying back and forth across the pavement as we did so. On the floor up ahead of us, I spotted a large slipper. It was tatty and dirty, but to my drunken eyes it was a great find. Up to the slipper I ran, and when I reached it, I hunched myself over it. Then I peered over my shoulder to see the rest of the gang looking on with confused looks on their faces.

 “22…24… HUT, HUT”.

 I launched the slipper through my legs behind me as if I were an American footballer. My brother sprang forward and caught it superbly well and I sprinted off ahead waiting for the return pass. As I legged it forward, the others got excited and burst forward after me. My brother released the slipper from his hands and it arced through the air gracefully. I knew I had to increase my speed if I was going to catch it, so I upped my tempo slightly. A random bystander was pushed out of the way, my hand thrusting against his forehead to move him out of my path. The slipper landed delicately in my hand.

 “TOUCHDOWN!”

 We all cheered. Other bystanders looked on with utter disgust on their faces. There was only one thing for it. We formed a scrum, I placed the slipped under my arm, and we advanced forward in our huddle, all the way to the station, making weird groaning like noises. Unfortunately, the slipper was lost on the train journey home, but its memory lives on.

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