Tag Archives: car

Young Car Journeys

20 Jul

Every Summer, my family would head for Stranraer in Scotland to visit family. It was a tedious six hour journey by car, filled with much shouting between my sisters, and dead arms between my brother and I, as well as the usual mundane games of I-Spy. The family car at the time was a Volvo estate. With my two sisters in the back seats and the whole our family’s luggage in between them, my brother and I were forced to ‘camp’ in the boot. We lined it with duvets and pillows and it was a nice little den for us to chill out in during the journey (obviously the parcel shelf was removed). Highly illegal yes, but we never got pulled over by the rozzers. Nice to see how responsible my parents were.

 

Such was the length of the journey, boredom would soon set in. We would soon grow tired of drawing or doing puzzles, so to entertain our young minds, my brother and I would hold up signs to other cars on the motorway such as ‘Nice boobies’, ‘I just did a poo’, ‘your face looks like a rat’s face’, ‘we’re being abducted, please call Childline’, ‘your wheel has fallen off’ and ‘finger my bum-hole’. Quite what people thought of this, I have no idea. It was made funnier to us as we had to stifle our laughter from my parents, who would have given us the biggest bollocking had they seen what we were up to.

 

The reactions from other road users were a particular joy; from the bemused and confused, to the angry and irate or to just plain laughter. It was like a game of roulette in a way; taking turns to pick a victim, write our phrase in thick marker pen and then hold it up to the driver. If we were lucky enough to receive a thumbs up we would woop with joy. On other occasions where we got an angry shake of the fist or nod of the head, we would simply lay down so we couldn’t be seen. In all honesty, I really haven’t grown up much since then.

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Don’t Fall Asleep In My Car

7 Jul

An ex girlfriend and I were travelling home from Brighton on a beautiful Sunday afternoon two years ago. The journey itself was about an hour and a half long, so I thought it very rude of her when she fell asleep about 20 minutes from home, rather than keep me company. After all, she was meant to be navigating.

The childish part comes next and may go some of the way to explaining why we are no longer together. I pulled the car over at an angle down a country lane and up slowly in front of a tree so that the bumper of the car was just touching it. Then, I put my head down on the steering wheel, closed my eyes, stuck my tongue out the side of my mouth and sounded the horn.

“Shhiiiiiit! Wake up, wake up!” a rather startled ex screamed, shaking my shoulders. “We’ve crashed!”

A broad grin formed across my face and she realised what I had done. She didn’t speak to me for the rest of the journey.

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