eBay Wanker

6 May

Last Friday, I sold a pair of Clarks Wallabees on eBay and from the moment the buyer messaged me about payment (“my mrs sorts that, but I can pay soon” etc), I KNEW he’d be a pain in the arse. Anyway, he messaged me today after receiving the item – and this is a genuine message exchange I had, with what I believe to be a fully grown man (excuse typos in his messages, I just copied and pasted):

Him (out of the blue today): You said in write up they are 7 and a half to an 8 are are big enough to be an 8, well these are no where near an 8 or a 7 an a half I can’t even get them on.not happy with them as they are too small

Me: Hi there- The label inside the tongue clearly shows 7.5 on the shoes themselves.
The description said “Size 7.5 but like most Clarks they are quite roomy so could fit an 8” – they ARE a 7 and a half – check the shoes. Cheers

Him: I’m a size 8 and can get in a 7 an half easy and I can’t get them on

Me: Can you check what it says on the label inside the tongue for me please. 7.5, right?

Him: You are right but that still don’t make them fit me

Me: Yes, I know I’m right, they are a 7.5 – it says so on the shoe itself.

Just relist them if you don’t want them – I do not offer returns, listing states “sold as seen”, and buyers are able to ask questions such as “how long is the shoe?” “Will it fit my big feet?” etc. I can’t see why you’re getting agitated because you can’t fit a 7.5 shoe. Do you not know your shoe size?

Him; I’ve already got a brown pair same size and they fit perfect and I will just open a case against you for refusing the return of them and I’m not agitated they don’t fit as all this no returns is rubbish as I have had to return money an item that didn’t fit even though I stated no returns eBay found in favour of the buyer so we will see what happens when I contact them

Me: Hahaha, contact them then – it’s not my fault your pair differs in size from the pair i sold – IT SAYS ON THE SHOE THE SIZE OF THEM. I HAVE PHOTOS OF IT WHICH I WILL SEND TO EBAY AS PROOF.
You sound like one of those typical shoddy buyers who complains about everything, looking for something for nothing. Complete timewaster, absolute fraud.

Him: shut up you mug and I guarantee you will lose lol ya peasant

Me: HAHAHAHA it’s 20 fucking quid, mate, and you’re moaning like a little kid. Peasant? Nope. I just dislike people who try and bend rules for personal gain. The listing I put up says the shoe is a 7.5. And guess what, the shoe is a 7.5. What can’t you see about how wrong you are?
THE SHOE IS A 7.5 AS LISTED.IT EVEN SAYS IT ON THE SHOE. Why don’t you write to Clarks and moan about their quality control? Fraud.

Him: We will see mug

Me: There should be a comma there after the word ‘see’.
No wonder your mrs controls your PayPal account if you can’t grasp simple things like the size of your feet. Also, I could report you to eBay for threatening language, but I’m not a grass.

Him: You are the one who has threatened me and don’t care you mug as you will lose lol
Me: You purchased a 7.5 shoe. you are raising a case to say they aren’t 7.5. The shoe even has 7.5 on it. Who’s the mug?

Him: Keep on trying to bully me div …

Me: I’m stating a fact.

Listing says: 7.5
Shoe says on the inside: 7.5
Shoe you bought: 7.5

Where’s the case? Seriously?
Just relist them If you don’t want them.

Him: You are the one who started all the verbal stuff so I naturally retaliated, but you have tried to bully me into not opening a case against you and I am just getting over a massive toad traffic accident in which I nearly died and you have bombarded me with your messages which I find unfair and I’m sorry for calling you a mug but like I said was defending my corner from your bullying, have a great day and many thanks for all your help in this matter.

Me; I was pointing out that the shoe states it is a 7.5 and I listed a 7.5. You can open a case if you wish but I don’t know what grounds there are if the shoe is a 7.5. I could understand it if I sent you a size 4 shoe or something.

In terms on bombarding you with messages, i have just replied to you each time, nothing more than that.

Apology accepted for being called a mug and a div.

Sorry to hear about your accident with the giant frog lol. Get well soon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~TWO DAYS LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days passed, and nothing. Not a word from him. “He’s backed down”, I thought to myself. “He’s finally accepted the fact that he doesn’t know his own shoe size”. That was until I received an email from eBay, telling me he’d opened a case against me, along with his ‘thoughts’ on the matter. They read like this (again – this is copied and pasted from eBay):

HIM – the sellar states they are sise 7 and a half,im a size 8 and a small size 8 and sometimes a 7 and a half ,i cant get them on my feet.he also stated that they are in good condition on the upper of the shoes,but there is a scuff around the front of the toe,and you can see the scuff in the pictures listed. So id like to return the item and get my money back please.

Now eBay always favours the buyer. Always. No matter what sort of moron you are dealing with, it’s all automated, so the seller never wins. There isn’t a voice of reason sat an eBay going “Oh yeah, this bloke is an absolute loon, let’s tell him to jog on”. They are too lazy for that.

I had two options. Offer a full refund, or, offer a partial refund. I opted for the latter. I couldn’t be arsed to receive the shoes back, relist them, package them up, send them out etc etc. Naturally, I offered the only amount that I thought would suit both parties – £7.50. I also got the opportunity to send a message to the buyer along with the offer. That message read as follows:

“Well, you did it. You raised a case and made me look like the mug you said you would. I’m sat at work holding back the tears, here. One thing that baffles me is that if you could see the scuff in the photo (the photo that was provided to show this scuff), why purchase them and THEN moan about it? Oh yeah, it’s because you’re an idiot. Please accept this partial refund of £7.50. Seven and a half pounds. 7.5. I understand this may not fit your needs, but I hope it compensates you in some way. Do what you want with the shoes – sell them on eBay if you like. You’ll make a good margin there. Cheers”

I didn’t hold up much hope in terms of him accepting the partial refund. mainly because I’d called him an idiot. But I didn’t care. Sure enough, I received another email from eBay 10 minutes later advising that he had declined the offer and that I now had to offer a full refund. No other option for me but accept it. This was followed by a message from the buyer:

HIM – You accept return on ebay so now I can print the label off and get then posted,many thanks will also leave great feedback. Pls let me know name and address.

I gave a false name (see below) and my work address, and it arrived back today:


I think that’s the end of it now. I have until 21st May to issue the refund, so I’ll probably keep him hanging for a while.

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