Comments Overheard

6 Sep

These are things that I’ve heard people say over the last weeks or so. More will follow if I happen to overhear anything remotely interesting or stupid. I should mention, I don’t deliberately eavesdrop, much.

 Old lady to an old man, probably her husband, in the local park:

“George! Don’t look directly at the sun, you’ll burn your rectums!”

 Lady, in her thirties, to her son, who looked about six. This was outside a Chinese Takeaway:

“Jack, will you leave that bloody Rubik’s Cube alone for 5 minutes?”



In the office:

Girl 1 – “Oh my God, did you hear about Kate at one of our resellers?”
Girl 2 – “Kate Kate?”
Girl 1 – “Yeah, Kate!”
Girl 2 – “Whaaaaaat?!”
Girl 1 – “Well she had a brain tumour and died. She died Saturday”.
Girl 2 – “Oh my God! I knew she was ill. Oh my God!”
Girl 1 – “Yeah I know!”
Girl 2 – “Did you know her? Are you going to the funeral?”
Girl 1 – “Erm, kind of knew her. Well, we were friends on Facebook.”
Girl 2 – “Oh my God! What you going to do?”
Girl 1 – “I just deleted her as a friend.”


I have to work with these people


In the local park, a young girl to her father:

“Daddy, you look pretty today. You’re belly is very fat though”


It the office again, a different girl this time:

“How do you spell ‘whoa’ so that it says  ‘whoa’ and not ‘wow’?

 In Tesco. I’d like to know what this was about; a gentleman aged about 19 to his friend:

“Listen to me, I did not, and I repeat NOT, have a wank on the train”

 In Tesco again, the following night. Young girl to her mum:

Girl – “Mummy! I need a wee!

Mum – “You’ve just been for a wee!”

Girl –  “I still have some stuck in me”


In a pub, a man, mid-forties, gesturing to a Capri Sun carton drink behind the bar:

Man – “How much is one of those?”

Bargirl – “One pound eighty”

Man – “One pound eighty?! Are you taking my dog for a shit?”

Man ordered a lemonade. It cost him £2.10.


At the newsagents this morning, two men in their late twenties:

Man 1 – “Good weekend, mate?”
Man 2 – “Yeah, great thanks. You?”

Man 1 – “It’s confidential”.

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