House Party Mischief

25 Jan

When at house parties, people have a tendency to act like complete and utter fuckwits; that is unless it is their own house. I tend to get drunk, but I do try and behave myself. Having had a house party myself once before when the rest of my family were away on holiday, I know what a pain it is when people start trying to wreck the place. Now I try and be a bit more subtle. Instead of deliberately ruining a house, you can have a lot more fun with petty sabotage. For example, try stealing the tin opener because no one ever has two. I like to imagine the owner of the house really looking forward to eating something, and then going mental because they can’t open the tin.

Loosening all the light bulbs is another favourite, and often confuses the home owner the next day. If sneaky enough, it should be coupled with unplugging every electrical appliance. Petty, but very irritating. I can’t see any justification in causing physical damage to a person’s property, or urinating in their bed, to me that is just plain wrong, but fun can be had at their expense without making you look like a total tosser. Why not steal a garden gnome and send ransom notes, or return it the following week painted in a different colour? Why not print out the hosts name a few hundred times on A4 paper, then cut them up and leave them haphazardly around the house. This will not only confuse them, but should freak them out. If you don’t fancy leaving their name everywhere, random phrases may also be a good idea. ‘I want to penetrate you’ or ‘nice gusset’ left around the house will really annoy. Try leaving the tiny notes anywhere and everywhere; under pillows, on top of picture frames, in the fridge, in DVD cases, under furniture. They’ll be finding them for months to come. It’s great fun.

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