The Follow Through

3 Nov

As Sam queued up he felt a rumble in his stomach, but he didn’t panic. Renowned locally for the regularity and vileness of his farts, Sam was sure that this would be a run of the mill guff and nothing to write home about, not by his standards anyway.


Sam cocked one leg and pushed slightly. The escape of air was instant and he smiled reassuringly as the tang of his own insides reached his nose. He strained one last time to push the last of the gas through his colon and out of his arse hole, when disaster struck.


Sam felt a bubble of air that quickly popped and let loose a torrent of fizzy gravy that filled his pants instantly.


He’d shit himself in Jewsons.


Undeterred, Sam stood where he was, ignoring the stares he was getting from other people in the queue. The smell was vile, filling the air around him, but he remained focused on trying to look innocent. All he wanted to do was pay for what he was buying, and then leave, quickly.


Another customer was served and Sam stepped ever closer to the till, now feeling slightly ashamed, but in a funny way proud of the contents of his undercrackers. However, as he took a pace forward, things took a turn for the worse. The stride forward opened up his underwear, and sticky shit trickled down his leg, resembling more soup than fecal matter as it splattered onto the floor. Sam glanced around nervously to see the reaction of the other two people queuing up behind him, and more runny shit escaped from the bottom of his trousers.  The first man stood behind Sam had a look of utter disgust on his face. He tutted and walked out of the building. From behind him, another builder stepped forward to take his place in the queue, but he hadn’t spotted the mess on the floor in front of him. As he was looking directly ahead, it was the putrid stench that hit him first. It wasn’t until he scanned around, repulsed, that he saw the root of the smell, lying on the floor below Sam. He took a few steps backwards, and held his nose between his fingers.


Eventually, the bloke in front of Sam had been served, and he was now at the till. The girl serving was all too aware of the foul smelling air, and took the opportunity of a change of customer to glance over the counter. She spotted the mess on the floor and then looked at Sam. She looked back to the runny excrement and then to Sam again.


“Oh, have you had an accident?” she enquired.


“Yep!” replied Sam, with a grin on his face


The girl turned her back to Sam, picked up to phone and whispered down it. Sam struggled to make out what she was saying. After a short call, she turned back and started scanning the few items that Sam needed to pay for. Just as he was about to pay for his goods, he heard movement behind him. As he turned around, he saw a sight that made him ever so proud. A sight to behold, he tells me.


A maintenance man was spreading sand over the mess he’d made. Once done, he fenced it off with four cones before disappearing again.


Sam collected his items and headed off for the van, smiling. What an achievement.

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