The Next Sale

20 Oct

A poem about the Next Sale, for no reason in particular…


‘That’s a nice jumper’, I heard her say,
‘Have you worn it before today?’
‘No’, you replied, smiling intently,
‘It’s not mine; it’s one that my sister lent me’.
‘Where did she get it?’ She quizzed once more,
‘I’ll have to ask her because I’m not too sure’,
‘Please do, I love it, it’s really lush,
‘Pretty to look at and soft to touch’.


She approached you again that afternoon,
‘Don’t suppose you’ve heard back so soon?’
‘Actually’, you said, ‘She texted me back,
She bought this jumper, some boots and a mac’
‘Yes, but where from?’ she snapped once more,
Desperate for the name of the department store,
‘Well she got it in town at the latest Next Sale’
You watched as her face dropped and then it went pale.


‘The Next Sale?’ she cried and she looked rather angry,
‘That jumper, surely not? Tell me, it can’t be?’
‘Well it is’ you replied, ‘what’s wrong with that?’
‘Oh, I had a bad experience there quite a while back’.
I sat and queued up from 4 in the morning,
Whilst most people were in bed fast asleep, snoring,
‘It was the first day of the Next sale’, she said through a pout
‘And I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss out’


‘When the doors did finally open,
The crowd surged in, to each hunt for a bargain,
I tried in vain to push my way into the store,
But I had pins and needles in my legs from being sat on the floor.
The result of this saw me collapse to the ground,
And I could only watch as the bargains I’d found,
Were snapped up in haste by everyone else
I cried as they cleared every railing and shelf.’


‘By the time my legs had stopped feeling funny
I surveyed what was left on which to spend my money,
All the best garments had a long time been sold,
And all that was left looked dated and old.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that’, you said, ‘What a pity’,
‘I know’ she replied, ‘But then an idea hit me’
I punched one lady hard and made off with her bags,
I’d guessed that she’d bought all the best things that they had’.


‘But when I got home and had a peek inside,
I found that I’d completely wasted my time,
As in the bags were not the clothes I required,
My impromptu risk had completely backfired’
‘Go on’, you demanded, ‘what had she bought?
‘And how did you escape without getting caught?’
‘I escaped by simply running away,
And the items? Two cushions, a sheet and duvet’

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