Inappropriate Erection

15 Oct

I’ve had to change the name of the main character (and a few other places) in this story as what he did was very wrong and quite disturbing. For the purposes of this story, I’ll call the person in question Nathan.
I’d arranged to meet Nathan in the pub early one evening after we had both finished work. At the time I was working fulltime as a builder’s labourer and Nathan worked in a shop in the high street as he’d just finished sixth form and wanted to earn a bit of money so he could go on decent holiday later that year. We got a pint each and sat down at a table.


“Good day, mate?”, I asked before taking a sip from my hard-earned drink.

“Yeah, it was ok”, Nathan replied. He sounded more downbeat than usual, and as clichéd as it sounds, I knew that he wanted to tell me something.

“What’s up, Nathan?” I couldn’t be arsed to wait for him to tell me what was wrong, I decided that we may as well get anything on his mind out in the open. Nathan looked up from his pint.

“If I tell you something, do you absolutely promise that you won’t tell anyone? Seriously.”


This had to be good, I was sure of it.

“Course not mate, go on, what is it?”


Nathan took a deep intake of breathe and then began. As he spoke, my eyes lit up with bewilderment. The following is what Nathan told me. I’ve chosen to miss out my spate of laughs, gasps and genuinely shocked comments but you can probably insert them yourself.


“Well today on my lunch break I felt really horny. I went and bought a sandwich, and then just wandered around the town. For some reason, and I don’t know why, I got a massive erection so I had to go to the churchyard and sit on one of the benches until it had gone down. Because I was really horny, nothing I could think of would make it go away, so I made it as discreet as possible and then wandered around a bit more.
I walked up Lily Road and there was a really fat lady doing her gardening. As I got nearer to her I could see her boobs were nearly falling out of her top, and even though she was horrible, I got even more turned on. I put my head down and went to walk passed her front garden but out of the corner of my eye I saw her look up at me, and then carry on with what she was doing. For some reason, I thought she was checking me out. I got my cock out, which was still really hard, and turned round and walked back to her. Then she looked up at me again and stared. I looked at my cock and smiled and then she asked me what the hell I thought I was doing, so I just ran off. This made my erection go down and I went back to the shop and carried on working”.


By the time he had finished, my jaw was resting on the table in disbelief.

“What the fuck did you think would happen?” I muttered.
“I dunno, I just thought she might invite me in or something.”
“But you said she was fat and ugly”
“Yeah, but I was horny. Listen; please don’t tell anyone I feel really bad”.


The next day, I found out that most of the shops and residents in the town had received ‘Warning: Pervert’ leaflets through their letterboxes. If any part of me had doubted Nathan’s story for one second, then this was all the proof I needed to confirm that he was telling the truth. Nathan was a good lad, usually, and what he had done was completely out of character. I advised him to keep a low profile for a week or so and I didn’t tell anyone that the pervert on the loose was indeed him. He was many things, but pervert was not one of them, despite his actions.


What the fuck was he thinking though?!

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