Summer Loving

19 Aug

I was sat in a friend’s kitchen enjoying a few beers and cigarettes one Summers evening. As it was a warm night we had the patio door open to let a breeze in, and to let our cigarette smoke out. The conversation was flowing; we chatted about a vast array of subjects, the normal drunken topics such as what would win in a fight out of a kangaroo and a dolphin. We put the world to rights, we chatted about girls and we talked enthusiastically about football. It was a normal night.


Suddenly, over the top of our ramblings, we heard the easily recognisable sounds of two people rutting vigorously. Peering from the patio door into the garden, we saw the house backing onto our garden had a solitary bedroom light on and the window was wide open. We fell silent and sat and listened as the two lovers built up into a simultaneous climax, with the woman screaming, “Yes, Mark! Harder, Mark! Harder, Mark!” I felt bad for listening, but who wouldn’t? We held back the laughter and waited. As Mark spilt his creamy load he let out a huge groan of pleasure; he sounded like a walrus with a sore throat. Then, an eerie silence fell – I imagined that the rather vocal pair had collapsed, exhausted onto the bed; their naked bodies entwined, with the woman asking Mark if he loved her, and Mark trying desperately to go to sleep and/or hold in a fart.


After 30 seconds or so, we heard another neighbour, who to this day remains anonymous, start a slow hand clap (like those that a crowd does for Olympians as they prepare for a run up in the long jump), interspersed with shouts of “Well done Mark” and “good performance son!”

It was enough to gets us laughing properly and we joined in with the hand clap. Then, the bedroom

window of the lovers was slammed shut and we laughed even harder. Whoever the neighbour was that took it upon himself to start a slow hand clap; I salute you, Sir. You didn’t know we were listening as well, but you must have heard us laughing at your perfect comic timing. I hope you smiled a bit when you heard us.

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