A Guide to Princes Risborough – Part III – Leisure Facilities

27 Jul

Although the pubs in Risborough are of an extremely high quality, some people would rather not spend their precious time in them. For those people, there are plenty of things they can get up to:

 

Risborough Springs Swim & Fitness Centre – Springs has a wide range of leisure facilities and activities that are suitable for everybody, regardless of age or ability. The 25 metre long pool is an ideal place to have a swim, as it’s filled with water. Be careful not to submerge though, as the chlorine content is extremely high and you could lose your eyesight for a few days. Small toddlers have been known to float on the surface of the pool, with the chlorine having a similar effect to the salt in the Dead Sea. One of the best times to go swimming is during the Fun Session, when the pool gets flooded with inflatable things, balls and more often than not, floats of the fecal kind.  Hundreds of children gather to clamber over a giant inflatable dragon, all jostling to get the prize position  of sitting on the dragon’s head, but often results in split lips, smashed foreheads and lost teeth. The swim theme carries on through in the changing rooms, which often have more water in them than the baby pool does. Perverts would love these changing facilities as each cubicle has a large gap at the bottom of it, big enough to fit a grown man’s head under.

 

The gym is kitted out with all the things you’d expect; running machine, rowing machine, sweaty men in tiny shorts and a TV. One thing that Springs hopes will make it stand out over other gyms, is that it boasts an energy snack bar vending machine – Crazy!! Whilst working out, customers can peer out of the large windows and watch the comings and goings in the car park, or watch youngsters getting themselves high on drugs in the park.

 

The parking facilities are excellent; Springs can fit 6 cars at any one time (including staff). My advice here is to leave your car in the graveyard next to the centre, and walk round. I shouldn’t negate to mention the viewing area which offers a great view to the Kids Pool and nothing else really.

Risborough Springs

A packed Risborough Springs stands eerily against the quaint Risborough sky

 

King George Playing Field – Backing onto the police station, the playing field boasts swings, a roundabout, a few other pointless amenities and a skate ramp. This field is ideal for underage drinking (plenty of bushes to hide behind) or for practicing your graffiti skills. The skate ramp is rarely used, although it did have a few visitors on its first day after being built, and I would advise anyone hoping to come and use it to prepare themselves to be underwhelmed as it is only 2 foot high, by 3 foot long.

 Princes Risborough Park

There was no images of the recreation field on the internet, so have a picture of an old man smashing the shit out of some drums

 

Tesco – Yes, I know Tesco is a supermarket, but many Risborough residents use it as a place to meet and greet each other. I for one, love to watch the staff go about their daily duties, stacking shelves and serving customers with faces contorted with frustration. It should be said though that care in the community in the town is clear to see, with most Tesco employees getting jobs despite having an IQ under 22. Sometimes, words cannot do this place justice, so have a few pictures instead:

 karma, karma, karma chamealeon

 One member of staff who is very useful at spotting shoplifters. He has eyes on the back of his head. And the sides.

 Quiffy Happy Jolly Twonk

The only wig manufactured from pubic hair in existence belongs to a Risborough Tesco employee.

Pink Eye

Winner of best looking employee 2009

 

That’s about it in terms of leisure facilities I’m afraid. It’s probably the reason as to why most locals choose to go to the pubs, as the three places mentioned above get so busy due to their popularity. If you’re planning on visiting one, make sure you get there early to avoid disappointment.

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